Hot: Crying

hipstercrying Crying has been trending up for the last decade and doesn’t show any signs of becoming uncool. Hipsters love to show everyone their sensitive side, and what better way than publicly weeping? Even though ours is the most peaceful time in human history, it doesn’t seem like it. Each day the news is filled with stories of tragedy and violence. If you haven’t cried in front of your friends or even complete strangers, I recommend doing so regularly for a few weeks. When people attempt to comfort you or ask “Why are you crying?” be sure to be vague about it, “It’s nothing.” If you do want to be specific about the reason for sobbing in the middle of Starbucks at 9:37 am, make sure it’s about something nobody has heard of. “It’s just the whole situation Chengdu. All those children.” This will result in the person asking “Where’s Chengdu?” and you can look at them as though they are really disconnected as you explain that it is the capital of Sichuan province in Southwest China. After that they will undoubtedly ask “What’s going on there?” to which, between clenched teeth and hurried breaths between sobs you can muster two sweet words “child slavery.”

Now I don’t know if there really is child slavery going on in Chengdu, in fact I didn’t even know that it was a place until I googled “obscure city” five minutes ago.  But none of that matters.  What does matter is how sensitive and passionate I will appear to friends and strangers alike as a single majestic tear runs down my cheek.