Now: Shaving your eyebrows

hipstereyebrowsHere’s an up-and-comer with YOU written all over it: shaving your eyebrows! People will certainly notice that you look different without eyebrows and ask you why you don’t have eyebrows. From there you can be a vague and mysterious as possible about your reasoning. “Eyebrows provide only a slight evolutionary advantage over dolphins,” you can announce as you exhale an American Spirit cigarette puff in a perfect smoke ring. People will nod quizzingly and contemplate your meaning, which you love. Next you can look out the window of the old factory that you’re in because you’re urban exploring and gaze longingly at the vacant lot outside. “I just felt like I needed to make a statement.”

Get on this one right now and be ahead of the curve. Only a couple of people have shaved their eyebrows in pop culture, but my favorite was Pink, from The Wall. If anyone remembers that scene it’s a bonus because Pink Floyd will always be awesome and it will give you an opportunity to talk about obscure German composer Karlheinz Stockhausen’s influence on them. As soon as you mention that they will forget about the horror of looking at you with shaved eyebrows and how you look like you should be some sort of alien species on Star Trek now. Instead they will probably go home from urbex (that’s what you call it) and shave their own eyebrows. As soon as yours grow back in it will be perfectly timed with shaving your eyebrows being OVER!