Honking Up: Clowns

Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this scared quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your bakers dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, (btw, get a signature clown laugh) and do a silly two step out the door of the moon porch. Clown school is perfect for hipsters who are looking for reasons why things are funny. Remember, the more facts you know about something and the more you talk about doing that thing you get closer to actually doing it without having to. This is hipster gold. A great film to reference is Fellini’s “The Clowns (I Clowns)“. It’s supper meta and will give you countless obscure tidbits to throw out, even during nose painting practicum at clown school, you’ll love this.

The other path to hipster hijinks and the resurrection of the clown is to go solo, or as we call it rogue rouge. Start by having a sneezing fit at the yoga studio. After you pull 5 meters of multicolored rags from your nose, tie them up and call it a Buddhist prayer flag, you’ll stun them long enough to apply a foamy red nose, white face pain and 1 mascara tear. Nothing helps lighten up a serious session of intense Hatha yoga like fart noises during sun salutations. Don’t worry, their silence is just awe and inner joy. Keep the giggles going by grabbing all their antique neti pots and juggle them. So what if they’ve been just used. This is serious fun and you are just being विदूषक जैसा.

So remember, this is a TOP PRIORITY HIPSTER MISSION! We must save the clown at all costs, our future relies on your actions today. So pack all your hipster firends in a smart car, pull up in front of the freegan tea bistro and keep on coming out. Do it for Bozo!

Honking Up: Clowns

Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this scared quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your bakers dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, (btw, get a signature clown laugh) and do a silly two step out the door of the moon porch. Clown school is perfect for hipsters who are looking for reasons why things are funny. Remember, the more facts you know about something and the more you talk about doing that thing you get closer to actually doing it without having to. This is hipster gold. A great film to reference is Fellini’s “The Clowns (I Clowns)“. It’s supper meta and will give you countless obscure tidbits to throw out, even during nose painting practicum at clown school, you’ll love this.

The other path to hipster hijinks and the resurrection of the clown is to go solo, or as we call it rogue rouge. Start by having a sneezing fit at the yoga studio. After you pull 5 meters of multicolored rags from your nose, tie them up and call it a Buddhist prayer flag, you’ll stun them long enough to apply a foamy red nose, white face pain and 1 mascara tear. Nothing helps lighten up a serious session of intense Hatha yoga like fart noises during sun salutations. Don’t worry, their silence is just awe and inner joy. Keep the giggles going by grabbing all their antique neti pots and juggle them. So what if they’ve been just used. This is serious fun and you are just being विदूषक जैसा.

So remember, this is a TOP PRIORITY HIPSTER MISSION! We must save the clown at all costs, our future relies on your actions today. So pack all your hipster firends in a smart car and

Honking Up: Clowns

Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this scared quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your bakers dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, (btw, get a signature clown laugh) and do a silly two step out the door of the moon porch. Clown school is perfect for hipsters who are looking for reasons why things are funny. Remember, the more facts you know about something and the more you talk about doing that thing you get closer to actually doing it without having to. This is hipster gold. A great film to reference is Fellini’s “The Clowns (I Clowns)“. It’s supper meta and will give you countless obscure tidbits to throw out, even during nose painting practicum at clown school, you’ll love this.

The other path to hipster hijinks and the resurrection of the clown is to go solo, or as we call it rogue rouge. Start by having a sneezing fit at the yoga studio. After you pull 5 meters of multicolored rags from your nose, tie them up and call it a Buddhist prayer flag, you’ll stun them long enough to apply a foamy red nose, white face pain and 1 mascara tear. Nothing helps lighten up a serious session of intense Hatha yoga like fart noises during sun salutations. Don’t worry, their silence is just awe and inner joy. Keep the giggles going by grabbing all their antique neti pots and juggle them. So what if they’ve been just used. This is serious fun and you are just being विदूषक जैसा.

Honking Up: Clowns

Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this scared quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your bakers dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, get a signature clown laugh

Hinking Up: Clowns

Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, the masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversizereclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares and place them where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is the clown.

Churning up: Churning butter

Churn baby churn, hipster inferno
Churn baby churn, hipster inferno
Churning your own butter is a great idea right now for so many reasons. Hipsters love to prove to everyone that they’re not afraid of doing things the hard way. They need to do lots of work in order to output something they deem worthy of talking about. Running to the market and picking up a 4-pack of Land-o-Lakes is about the lamest thing someone can do. Once your butter is done you can bring it to a marketing meeting along with your self-made whole wheat bread and you’ll get to say things like “it’s the only way I can be sure about what I’m putting in my body.”

Step one is to have a friend with a local organic BPA-free free-range grass-fed milking cow. You should already have a friend like this is you’re any kind of semi-respectable hipster, but if you don’t you can always find one at Whole Foods co-op or the local feed store. Next, you will need to insist on milking the cow yourself. This will be something you can talk about a lot and animal husbandry is nuclear hot right now. Don’t just milk the cow sitting on an overturned plastic bucket. Be sure to use an antique vintage white oak milking stool. If your farmer friend doesn’t have one you can buy one or better yet build one and when you’re done take it back to your studio apartment as it will be an excellent conversation starter. “That’s an odd little chair over there in the corner.” “Oh, that’s not a chair, that’s my milking stool.” “Milking stool, really?” You’ll love this. Try to get someone to take Polaroid pictures of you milking the cow. You can have them on the wall near your milking stool. As for your growing hipster library, I’d recommend “Forgotten Arts and Crafts.” After you’ve harvested that sweet nipple nectar all that’s left to do is churn and reap the profits of hipster stardom at that marketing meeting.

Churning up: Churning butter

Churn baby churn, hipster inferno
Churn baby churn, hipster inferno
Churning your own butter is a great idea right now for so many reasons. Hipsters love to prove to everyone that they’re not afraid of doing things the hard way. They need to do lots of work in order to output something they deem worthy of talking about. Running to the market and picking up a 4-pack of Land-o-Lakes is about the lamest thing someone can do. Once your butter is done you can bring it to a marketing meeting along with your self-made whole wheat bread and you’ll get to say things like “it’s the only way I can be sure about what I’m putting in my body.”

Step one is to have a friend with a local organic BPA-free free-range grass-fed milking cow. You should already have a friend like this is you’re any kind of semi-respectable hipster, but if you don’t you can always find one a Whole Foods co-op or the local feed store. Next, you will need to insist on milking the cow yourself. This will be something you can talk about a lot and animal husbandry is nuclear hot right now. Don’t just milk the cow sitting on an overturned plastic bucket. Be sure to use an antique vintage white oak milking stool. If your farmer friend doesn’t have one you can buy one or better yet build one and when you’re done take it back to your studio apartment as it will be an excellent conversation starter. “That’s an odd little chair over there in the corner.” “Oh, that’s not a chair, that’s my milking stool.” “Milking stool, really?” You’ll love this. Try to get someone to take Polaroid pictures of you milking the cow. You can have them on the wall near your milking stool. As for your growing hipster library, I’d recommend “Forgotten Arts and Crafts.” After you’ve harvested that sweet nipple nectar all that’s left to do is churn and reap the profits of hipster stardom at that marketing meeting.

Emerging: the “bit” as currency.

hipsterbit
Six-penny bit

Two bits, four bits, six bits a dollar…all for hipsters stand up and holler!

We’ve all sung some variant of this little ditty growing up, but how many actually know what a “bit” is anyhow? Forget about “bit coins.” That trend was over before it even got started…

In this day and age of penny pinching and number crunching whilst waiting for that next bank account drop from the rents, royalty check or tip cash out, it’s important to keep track of your cash flow in a way that sets you apart from everyone else.

Enter: the “bit.” A measure of currency oft used by old farmers, measuring currency in increments of twelve and a half cents, which only adds to your hip cred by using terminology that has passed from the lexicon of common lingo for decades.

Emerging: the “bit” as currency.

hipsterbit
Six-penny bit

Two bits, four bits, six bits a dollar…all for hipsters stand up and holler!

We’ve all sung some variant of this little ditty growing up, but how many actually know what a “bit” is anyhow? Forget about “bit coins.” That trend was over before it even got started…

In this day and age of penny pinching and number crunching whilst waiting for that next bank account drop from the rents, royalty check or tip cash out, it’s important to keep track of your cash flow in a way that sets you apart from everyone else.

Enter: the “bit.” A measure of currency oft used by old farmers, measuring currency in increments of twelve and a half cents, which only adds to your hip cred by using terminology that has passed from the lexicon of common lingo for decades.