Honked Up: Clowns

This is actually Lon Chaney.
This is actually Lon Chaney.
Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this sacred quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your baker’s dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, (btw, get a signature clown laugh) and do a silly two step out the door of the moon porch. Clown school is perfect for hipsters who are looking for reasons why things are funny. Remember, the more facts you know about something and the more you talk about doing that thing, the closer you get to actually doing it without really having to. This is hipster gold. A great film to reference is Fellini’s “The Clowns (I Clowns). It’s suuuper meta and will give you countless obscure tidbits to throw out, even during nose painting practicum at clown school, you’ll love this.

The other path to hipster hijinks and the resurrection of the clown is to go solo, or as we call it rogue rouge. Start by having a sneezing fit at the yoga studio. After you pull 5 meters of multicolored rags from your nose, tie them up and call it a Buddhist prayer flag, you’ll stun them long enough to apply a foamy red nose, white face paint and 1 mascara tear. Nothing helps lighten up a serious session of intense Hatha yoga like fart noises during sun salutations. Don’t worry, their silence is just awe and inner joy. Keep the giggles going by grabbing all their antique neti pots and juggle them. So what if they’ve been just used. This is serious fun and you are just being विदूषक जैसा.

So remember, this is a TOP PRIORITY HIPSTER MISSION! We must save the clown at all costs, our future relies on your actions today. So pack all your hipster firends in a smart car, pull up in front of the freegan tea bistro and keep on coming out. Do it for Bozo!

Honked Up: Clowns

This is actually Lon Chaney.
This is actually Lon Chaney.
Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this sacred quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your baker’s dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, (btw, get a signature clown laugh) and do a silly two step out the door of the moon porch. Clown school is perfect for hipsters who are looking for reasons why things are funny. Remember, the more facts you know about something and the more you talk about doing that thing, the closer you get to actually doing it without really having to. This is hipster gold. A great film to reference is Fellini’s “The Clowns (I Clowns). It’s suuuper meta and will give you countless obscure tidbits to throw out, even during nose painting practicum at clown school, you’ll love this.

The other path to hipster hijinks and the resurrection of the clown is to go solo, or as we call it rogue rouge. Start by having a sneezing fit at the yoga studio. After you pull 5 meters of multicolored rags from your nose, tie them up and call it a Buddhist prayer flag, you’ll stun them long enough to apply a foamy red nose, white face paint and 1 mascara tear. Nothing helps lighten up a serious session of intense Hatha yoga like fart noises during sun salutations. Don’t worry, their silence is just awe and inner joy. Keep the giggles going by grabbing all their antique neti pots and juggle them. So what if they’ve been just used. This is serious fun and you are just being विदूषक जैसा.

So remember, this is a TOP PRIORITY HIPSTER MISSION! We must save the clown at all costs, our future relies on your actions today. So pack all your hipster firends in a smart car, pull up in front of the freegan tea bistro and keep on coming out. Do it for Bozo!

Honked Up: Clowns

This is actually Lon Chaney.
This is actually Lon Chaney.
Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this sacred quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your baker’s dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, (btw, get a signature clown laugh) and do a silly two step out the door of the moon porch. Clown school is perfect for hipsters who are looking for reasons why things are funny. Remember, the more facts you know about something and the more you talk about doing that thing, the closer you get to actually doing it without really having to. This is hipster gold. A great film to reference is Fellini’s “The Clowns (I Clowns). It’s suuuper meta and will give you countless obscure tidbits to throw out, even during nose painting practicum at clown school, you’ll love this.

The other path to hipster hijinks and the resurrection of the clown is to go solo, or as we call it rogue rouge. Start by having a sneezing fit at the yoga studio. After you pull 5 meters of multicolored rags from your nose, tie them up and call it a Buddhist prayer flag, you’ll stun them long enough to apply a foamy red nose, white face paint and 1 mascara tear. Nothing helps lighten up a serious session of intense Hatha yoga like fart noises during sun salutations. Don’t worry, their silence is just awe and inner joy. Keep the giggles going by grabbing all their antique neti pots and juggle them. So what if they’ve been just used. This is serious fun and you are just being विदूषक जैसा.

So remember, this is a TOP PRIORITY HIPSTER MISSION! We must save the clown at all costs, our future relies on your actions today. So pack all your hipster firends in a smart car, pull up in front of the freegan tea bistro and keep on coming out. Do it for Bozo!

Honked Up: Clowns

This is actually Lon Chaney.
This is actually Lon Chaney.
Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this sacred quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your baker’s dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, (btw, get a signature clown laugh) and do a silly two step out the door of the moon porch. Clown school is perfect for hipsters who are looking for reasons why things are funny. Remember, the more facts you know about something and the more you talk about doing that thing you get closer to actually doing it without having to. This is hipster gold. A great film to reference is Fellini’s “The Clowns (I Clowns). It’s suuuper meta and will give you countless obscure tidbits to throw out, even during nose painting practicum at clown school, you’ll love this.

The other path to hipster hijinks and the resurrection of the clown is to go solo, or as we call it rogue rouge. Start by having a sneezing fit at the yoga studio. After you pull 5 meters of multicolored rags from your nose, tie them up and call it a Buddhist prayer flag, you’ll stun them long enough to apply a foamy red nose, white face paint and 1 mascara tear. Nothing helps lighten up a serious session of intense Hatha yoga like fart noises during sun salutations. Don’t worry, their silence is just awe and inner joy. Keep the giggles going by grabbing all their antique neti pots and juggle them. So what if they’ve been just used. This is serious fun and you are just being विदूषक जैसा.

So remember, this is a TOP PRIORITY HIPSTER MISSION! We must save the clown at all costs, our future relies on your actions today. So pack all your hipster firends in a smart car, pull up in front of the freegan tea bistro and keep on coming out. Do it for Bozo!

Honked Up: Clowns

This is actually Lon Chaney.
This is actually Lon Chaney.
Don’t even start with the scary clown thing. Scary clowns are OVER! It is imperative that all hipsters, acknowledged masters of recycle and reuse, tie on some oversize shoes and ridiculously step forward to reclaim the clown from horror movies and nightmares to place them once again where they belong, smack dab in the middle of our funny times. For too long now hipsters have let the forces of evil and commercialism abscond with the very font of happiness and homespun hilarity that is a clown. This is ripe turf for all levels of hipsters, from younglings to advanced. There are several ways to begin this sacred quest, both viable. The first is a direct path to months of good conversation topics and stories to mystify your housemates, find and join a clown school. Imagine the gleeful surprise when you walk in to the commune with an arm load of vegan banana pies and begin hurling them at the gardening committee. Those are shrieks of joy you’re hearing for sure. When your baker’s dozen are covering the room you can shrug and say “Homework!” then give your signature clown laugh, (btw, get a signature clown laugh) and do a silly two step out the door of the moon porch. Clown school is perfect for hipsters who are looking for reasons why things are funny. Remember, the more facts you know about something and the more you talk about doing that thing you get closer to actually doing it without having to. This is hipster gold. A great film to reference is Fellini’s “The Clowns (I Clowns). It’s suuuper meta and will give you countless obscure tidbits to throw out, even during nose painting practicum at clown school, you’ll love this.

The other path to hipster hijinks and the resurrection of the clown is to go solo, or as we call it rogue rouge. Start by having a sneezing fit at the yoga studio. After you pull 5 meters of multicolored rags from your nose, tie them up and call it a Buddhist prayer flag, you’ll stun them long enough to apply a foamy red nose, white face paint and 1 mascara tear. Nothing helps lighten up a serious session of intense Hatha yoga like fart noises during sun salutations. Don’t worry, their silence is just awe and inner joy. Keep the giggles going by grabbing all their antique neti pots and juggle them. So what if they’ve been just used. This is serious fun and you are just being विदूषक जैसा.

So remember, this is a TOP PRIORITY HIPSTER MISSION! We must save the clown at all costs, our future relies on your actions today. So pack all your hipster firends in a smart car, pull up in front of the freegan tea bistro and keep on coming out. Do it for Bozo!

Trending Up: Lawrence Well

As enamored as hipsters are with the neo-folk pop-bluegrass wave, it’s soooo popular that it, by definition, be OVER! The next hipster shiny musical object must continue harkening back to simpler, more earnest times. It must recall

Trending Down: Body Hair

Ah, nice and smooth
Ah, nice and smooth
Whether you’re a hipster dude sprouting a righteous tuft from the valley of your v-neck tee, or a hipster babe sporting a set of musky eurotrash pits, body hair has historically made a lot of sense to the hipster aesthetic. Not only does it help express the lazy attitude of uncaring so important to hipster culture, but it also pisses off the plastic-smooth Ken and Barbie mainstream.

However, our sources indicate that those on the razor’s edge of hipsterdom have begun to do away with this most secondary of secondary sex characteristics. Perhaps further inspired by the eyebrow-shaving trend, perhaps branching out all on their own, hipsters from Williamsburg to Portland have started taking it down to the skin. So if you want to be ahead of the curve, step up and shave it off now.

You’ll want to avoid the spas and waxing salons, though. You really don’t want to be seen walking into one of those places. But just imagine ordering a cup of hot water at an outdoor cafe, then using it to lather up with a shaving brush and soap. You’ll really have their attention as you sharpen your straight razor on a leather barber’s strop before taking it to your legs and arms. Or, if you’re more into convenience, hit the thrift stores for a vintage Norelco electric, or better yet a 1970s-era Epilady, especially if you’re a guy. Break down the gender barrier and send the mainstream packing back to the suburbs, all in one quick swipe of the blade.

Trending Down: Body Hair

Ah, nice and smooth
Ah, nice and smooth
Whether you’re a hipster dude sprouting a righteous tuft from the valley of your v-neck tee, or a hipster babe sporting a set of musky eurotrash pits, body hair has historically made a lot of sense to the hipster aesthetic. Not only does it help express the lazy attitude of uncaring so important to hipster culture, but it also pisses off the plastic-smooth Ken and Barbie mainstream.

However, our sources indicate that those on the razor’s edge of hipsterdom have begun to do away with this most secondary of secondary sex characteristics. Perhaps further inspired by the eyebrow-shaving trend, perhaps branching out all on their own, hipsters from Williamsburg to Portland have started taking it down to the skin. So if you want to be ahead of the curve, step up and shave it off now.

You’ll want to avoid the spas and waxing salons, though. You really don’t want to be seen walking into one of those places. But just imagine ordering a cup of hot water at an outdoor cafe, then using it to lather up with a shaving brush and soap. You’ll really have their attention as you sharpen your straight razor on a leather barber’s strop before taking it to your legs and arms. Or, if you’re more into convenience, hit the thrift stores for a vintage Norelco electric, or better yet a 1970s-era Epilady, especially if you’re a guy. Break down the gender barrier and send the mainstream packing back to the suburbs, all in one quick swipe of the blade.

Trending Down: Body Hair

Ah, nice and smooth
Ah, nice and smooth
Whether you’re a hipster dude sprouting a righteous tuft from the valley of your v-neck tee, or a hipster babe sporting a set of musky eurotrash pits, body hair has historically made a lot of sense to the hipster aesthetic. Not only does it help express the lazy attitude of uncaring so important to hipster culture, but it also pisses off the plastic-smooth Ken and Barbie mainstream.

However, our sources indicate that those on the razor’s edge of hipsterdom have begun to do away with this most secondary of secondary sex characteristics. Perhaps further inspired by the eyebrow-shaving trend, perhaps branching out all on their own, hipsters from Williamsburg to Portland have started taking it down to the skin. So if you want to be ahead of the curve, step up and shave it off now.

You’ll want to avoid the spas and waxing salons, though. You really don’t want to be seen walking into one of those places. But just imagine ordering a cup of hot water at an outdoor cafe, then using it to lather up with a shaving brush and soap. You’ll really have their attention as you sharpen your straight razor on a leather barber’s strop before taking it to your legs and arms. Or, if you’re more into convenience, hit the thrift stores for a vintage Norelco electric, or better yet a 1970s-era Epilady, especially if you’re a guy. Break down the gender barrier and send the mainstream packing back to the suburbs, all in one quick swipe of the blade.

Trending Down: Body Hair

Ah, nice and smooth
Ah, nice and smooth
Whether you’re a hipster dude sprouting a righteous tuft from the valley of your v-neck tee, or a hipster babe sporting a set of musky eurotrash pits, body hair has historically made a lot of sense to the hipster aesthetic. Not only does it help express the lazy attitude of uncaring so important to hipster culture, but it also pisses off the plastic-smooth Ken and Barbie mainstream.

However, our sources indicate that those on the razor’s edge of hipsterdom have begun to do away with this most secondary of secondary sex characteristics. Perhaps further inspired by the eyebrow-shaving trend, perhaps branching out all on their own, hipsters from Williamsburg to Portland have started taking it down to the skin. So if you want to be ahead of the curve, step up and shave it off now.

You’ll want to avoid the spas and waxing salons, though. You really don’t want to be seen walking into one of those places. But just imagine ordering a cup of hot water at an outdoor cafe, then using it to lather up with a shaving brush and soap. You’ll really have their attention as you sharpen your straight razor on a leather barber’s strop before taking it to your legs and arms. Or, if you’re more into convenience, hit the thrift stores for a vintage Norelco electric, or better yet a 1970s-era Epilady, especially if you’re a guy. Break down the gender barrier and send the mainstream packing back to the suburbs, all in one quick swipe of the blade.