Trending Up: Lawrence Welk

As enamored as hipsters are with the neo-folk pop-bluegrass wave, it’s soooo popular that, by definition, it’s OVER! The next hipster shiny musical object must continue that quintessential harkening back to simpler, more earnest times. In these VUCA filled times, nothing says banal and epic obscurity like the Lawrence Welk Show. It’s got everything. From not so subtly ironic numbers like “One Toke Over The Line” and the odd ass “Hippie” thing to more deep-hipster must haves like banjos and more serious country music.

Imagine the effect when you burst into the next Co-Op board meeting wearing a polyester suit the color of fresh ketchup humming “Music to Watch Girls By.” The raised eyebrows (provided they haven’t been shaved off) will soon turn to nods of shamed agreement when you wax on about the work of Rose Weiss.

Of course this will also give you a chance to let everyone know how much you support public television by organizing weekly Welk viewing parties at your favorite sports bar. Everyone should dress like their favorite Lawrence Welk Family member and show up at “Schmitty’s” or “Schultz’s” right at 5pm (preferably when the big game is suuuper close) and use one of these spiffy DIY hipster-tech devices to swap the channel to LW on the local public television station. Stand up and yell “WELK SESH” and start dancing like Sissy and Bobbie doing a disco number. You’ll make a bunch of new friends.

Trending Up: Lawrence Welk

As enamored as hipsters are with the neo-folk pop-bluegrass wave, it’s soooo popular that, by definition, it’s OVER! The next hipster shiny musical object must continue that quintessential harkening back to simpler, more earnest times. In these VUCA filled times, nothing says banal and epic obscurity like the Lawrence Welk Show. It’s got everything. From not so subtly ironic numbers like “One Toke Over The Line” and the odd ass “Hippie” thing to more deep-hipster must haves like banjos and more serious country music.

Imagine the effect when you burst into the next Co-Op board meeting wearing a polyester suit the color of fresh ketchup humming “Music to Watch Girls By.” The raised eyebrows (provided they haven’t been shaved off) will soon turn to nods of shamed agreement when you wax on about the work of Rose Weiss. Of course this will also give you a chance to let everyone know you support public television by organizing weekly viewing parties at your favorite sports bar. Everyone should dress like their favorite Lawrence Welk Family member and show up at “Schmitty’s” or “Schultz’s” right at 5pm (preferably when the big game is suuuper close) and use one of these spiffy DIY hipster-tech devices to swap the channel to LW on the local public television station. Stand up and yell “WELK SESH” and start dancing like Sissy and Bobbie doing a disco number.

Trending Up: Lawrence Welk

As enamored as hipsters are with the neo-folk pop-bluegrass wave, it’s soooo popular that, by definition, it’s OVER! The next hipster shiny musical object must continue that quintessential harkening back to simpler, more earnest times. In these VUCA filled times, nothing says banal and epic obscurity like the Lawrence Welk Show. It’s got everything. not so subtly ironic numbers like “One Toke Over The Line” and the odd ass “Hippie” thing to more deep-hipster must haves like banjos and jazz dancing.

Imagine the effect when you burst into the next Co-Op board meeting wearing a polyester suit the color of fresh ketchup humming “Music to Watch Girls By.” The raised eyebrows (provided they haven’t been shaved off) will soon turn to nods of shamed agreement when you wax on about the work of Rose Weiss. Of course this will also give you a chance to let everyone know you support public television by organizing weekly viewing parties at your favorite sports bar. Everyone should dress like their favorite Lawrence Welk Family member and show up at “Schmitty’s” or “Schultz’s” right at 5pm (preferably when the big game is suuuper close) and use one of these spiffy DIY hipster-tech devices to swap the channel to LW on the local public television station. Stand up and yell “Welk Sessh” and start dancing like Sissy and Bobbie doing a disco number.

Trending Up: Lawrence Welk

As enamored as hipsters are with the neo-folk pop-bluegrass wave, it’s soooo popular that, by definition, it’s OVER! The next hipster shiny musical object must continue that quintessential harkening back to simpler, more earnest times. In these VUCA filled times, nothing says banal and epic obscurity like the Lawrence Welk Show. It’s got everything. not so subtly ironic numbers like “One Toke Over The Line” and the odd ass “Hippie” thing to more deep-hipster must haves like banjos and jazz dancing.

Imagine the effect when you burst into the next Co-Op board meeting wearing a polyester suit the color of fresh ketchup humming “Music to Watch Girls By.” The raised eyebrows (provided they havent been shaved off) will soon turn to nods of shamed agreement when you wax on about the work of Rose Weiss.

Trending Up: Lawrence Welk

As enamored as hipsters are with the neo-folk pop-bluegrass wave, it’s soooo popular that, by definition, it’s OVER! The next hipster shiny musical object must continue that quintessential harkening back to simpler, more earnest times. In these VUCA filled times, nothing says banal and epic obscurity like the Lawrence Welk Show.

OVER! Parrots

parrotListen, the first time we saw you walk into the dive bar with that Scarlet Macaw on your shoulder, you were the hippest thing on the planet. “How long have you owned him?” we asked. And you replied with an air of aloofness, “Oh, I don’t own him. I don’t believe one species can own another. Camus is his own sentient being who just happens to live on my shoulder.” At that point, we were crawling over each other to light your Parliament and buy you a can of Old Style.

But that was yesterday. Today, we see that squawking beast for what it is: a mangy nuisance. He’s always taking your glasses off and throwing them on the floor, and even you are tired of this once-cute act. All your vests and band tees are stained down the back from his liquid siftings. And remember that time he bit Milo on the adam’s apple? That was a bad scene to say the least.

Unfortunately, those things live to be like 150 years old. We realize you probably had dreams of one day passing it down to your grandchildren, but you need to scrap that idea and Craigslist that thing immediately. You can philosophize about the place of pets in our society all you want, but your reputation is at stake here. Eighty-six the bird, get some new tees, and if you miss the companionship, go get a snake or something. Get a descented skunk. Anything with a shorter shelf-life will do.

OVER! Parrots

parrotListen, the first time we saw you walk into the dive bar with that Scarlet Macaw on your shoulder, you were the hippest thing on the planet. “How long have you owned him?” we asked. And you replied with an air of aloofness, “Oh, I don’t own him. I don’t believe one species can own another. Camus is his own sentient being who just happens to live on my shoulder.” At that point, we were crawling over each other to light your Parliament and buy you a can of Old Style.

But that was yesterday. Today, we see that squawking beast for what it is: a mangy nuisance. He’s always taking your glasses off and throwing them on the floor, and even you are tired of this once-cute act. All your vests and band tees are stained down the back from his liquid siftings. And remember that time he bit Milo on the adam’s apple? That was a bad scene to say the least.

Unfortunately, those things live to be like 150 years old. We realize you probably had dreams of one day passing it down to your grandchildren, but you need to scrap that idea and Craigslist that thing immediately. You can philosophize about the place of pets in our society
all you want, but your reputation is at stake here. Eighty-six the bird, get some new tees, and if you miss the companionship, go get a snake or something. Get a descented skunk. Anything with a shorter shelf-life will do.

OVER! Parrots

parrotListen, the first time we saw you walk into the dive bar with that Scarlet Macaw on your shoulder, you were the hippest thing on the planet. “How long have you owned him?” we asked. And you replied with an air of aloofness, “Oh, I don’t own him. I don’t believe one species can own another. Camus is his own sentient being who just happens to live on my shoulder.” At that point, we were crawling over each other to light your Parliament and buy you a can of Old Style.

But that was yesterday. Today, we see that squawking beast for what it is: a mangy nuisance. He’s always taking your glasses off and throwing them on the floor, and even you are tired of this once-cute act. All your vests and band tees are stained down the back from his liquid siftings. And remember that time he bit Milo on the adam’s apple? That was a bad scene to say the least.

Unfortunately, those things live to be like 150 years old. We realize you probably had dreams of one day passing it down to your grandchildren, but you need to scrap that idea and Craigslist that thing immediately. You can philosophize about the place of pets in our society all you want, but your reputation is at stake here. Eighty-six the bird, get some new tees, and if you miss the companionship, go get a snake or something. Get a descented skunk. Anything with a shorter shelf-life will do.