Dialing up: No-phoning

Which one of you wants to carry a message to Flora at the artisan coffee shop?
Which one of you wants to carry a message to Flora at the artisan coffee shop?

“I don’t own a phone” you’ll remark coldly when that one barista named Flora finally asks you for your number. At first she’ll cock her head in slight confusion. She’ll quickly try to hide any lack of understanding and say “I get it.” You’ll nod in the affirmative as you gaze longingly out of the artisan coffee shop window and deliver the line that makes it all worth it: “I just feel like we all need to unplug.”

No-phoning is a very new trend that will never reach a high level of popularity, which is perfect. Additionally, not having a phone will enable you to explore other unique and envy-worthy communication techniques. You can try your hand at breeding and training homing pigeons. This is a classic example on how to multi-trend because telling people that you’re a pigeon fancier is Chernobyl-hot right now. Imagine the wonderment in Flora’s baby blue eyes when she receives her first pigeon-gram… you asking her out to see a private screening of an obscure silent film in your friend Theo’s basement that he has converted into a 1910-era moving picture theater.

String up some telegraph wires between local hotspots like the artisan coffee shop and that old book store that people stand around in front of. You can send coded messages that will require your friends Ike and Matilda to use a WWII Enigma machine to decode. After spending a solid 7 minutes of turning rotors and typing on something called a plugboard (awesome) they will receive your message: “Heading to the old book store that people stand around in front of, see you in about 7 minutes.” Just as they finish reading the message you will ride up on your Honda Hobbit and bask in hipster stardom.