TRENDFLASH: Monocules are OVER!

Thanks to one of our readers “Enoch” (whoa, awesome name), it has been confirmed that monocles are OVER! The effing New York Times has an article about them so get yours off your face stat before that one barista you have a crush on sees you. Just think of Werner Klemperer from Hogan’s Heroes and you’ll get the picture. Possible replacements include but are in no way limited to: eyepatch, Ben Franklin glasses, quadfocals, dual eyepatch, binoculars, shutter shades, blue blockers, that thing that LeVar Burton has on his eyes on Star Trek, jeweler’s loupe, and actual eye removal.

What ever you do, DO NOT wear sun glasses that might fit on the top or over other glasses. People who make these type of glasses for blocking sun, which are large enough to be worn covering other glasses are a touchy bunch of trademark trolling mofos who will sue your ass for even mentioning them or their trademarked products. We have the cease and desist to prove it. Again, do NOT purchase eye coverings which block sun and are large enough to fit or allow you to wear other glasses at the same time.

LOSER!
LOSER!