Trending Down: Metrics
Hobby Scientists, Social Marketeers, MBAs and people-who-don’t-even-try-to-come-off-like-they-don’t-care-about-money are the only people who should have parlance in metrics. Having actual facts is becoming at best useless and uncreative and at worst flat out boring. This is NOT a good place for hipsters to be. The hip are into real things, not numbers about real things. So, the next time you’re in one of those meetings when one of the interns starts to go into “tweet frequency” … fight back and clear the glazed eyes of the others by slamming you fist on the table and assert emphatically “Why must you continue to try and always quantify quantify quantify? Are we not yet done with trying to (use quote fingers here) Take the tiger by the tail* (un-quote fingers)?” Then sit down and take a determined slug from your beaker coffee mug. Now we here at NHT fully realize that this trend report comes off a bit contradictory. We’re comfortable with that and you must admit that the fact that metrics is trending Down is freaking ironic … and that is hip.
* Advanced hipsters can use the Chinese proverb “Ch’i ‘hu nan hsia pei” instead. Make sure to practice first. Don’t worry, muttering to yourself is very hip so you’ll be double dipping on this one, you’re welcome.