Brewing up: Cellaring American Macrobrews

Imagine this: it’s the year 2023, you have a few guests over for a fondue party (OVER right now, but will resurge in ten years), and you get to say “Would anyone care for a 2013 Miller Lite in a can? It was a very good year.” That’s what you’ll get to do if you take my advice right now and start cellaring subpar American style pilsner lagers. If you haven’t already dug a root cellar now’s the time. You get to bring it up when people notice the dirt under your fingernails at the marketing meeting. “Oh, that, yeah, I’m hand digging a root cellar.” You should probably pick up a book on root cellaring so people on public transportation will ask you about root cellaring when they see you reading it. I’d recommend: The Complete Root Cellar Book: Building Plans, Uses and 100 Recipes.

Next you should build reclaimed wood aging racks. If you can’t find any reclaimed wood be sure to “upcycle” something else, preferably something made out of cast iron or rusted sheet metal. Ten years from now you’ll be able to crack a can (use a Churchkey), pour gently into a traditional Bavarian stoneware stein, and inhale the aroma thoughtfully. “The bouquet has subtle notes of industrial cleanser and aluminum.” You can remark as you bring the stein to you lips. Swish it around in your mouth a bit like a professional wine taster. “I detect absolutely no hops and liberal use of corn sugar,” you can breath out snobishly. “2013 was a great year for Miller Lite indeed.”