Yes. Even you need to work. Even if your parents are currently financing all of your non-prescription glasses purchases, you still need to have a job. Without a job, people would simply view you as a dweeb with a trustfund and horrible fashion-sense.
In our ongoing series “Career Corner,” we’ll dive into the jobs that only top-tier hipster’s seek out. Look, you can’t go around telling people that you’re a stock broker (unless it’s to be ironic). You need something that reeks of old-world, Hemingwayesque earnestness. In our view the perfect job right now involves crafting, the word “artisan,” and CHEESE. That’s right, you heard it here on NHT before anybody knew there was a here. Cheese mongering is the best possible hipster job. You still get to live in the city and you get to talk about how much you know about cheese all day. When you’re done with work you get to hang out with your friends and you get to talk about how much you know about cheese all day. You can drone on for 37 minutes about the differences between Himalayan chhurpi that has been properly wrapped in the traditional jute and the bastard way of using standard cheese cloth. This will make you a king amongst hipsters, elevating you to being able to wear the shortest brimmed hats of all. The covetted beret!
Fish mongering on the other hand has begun a slow decline. By now, everybody has seen those dudes in Seattle chuck fish around to the oohs and awws of the normals who show up in their khaki cargo shorts and J.C. Penny golf shirts. Also, while just as stinky, in most cases fish are less easy to grab onto and wax poetic about. I mean how long can you talk about the unique mating habits of Alaskan salmonids and how regional differences effect the palette? 12-13 minutes tops.
Act fast! Remarkably, obscure artisan cheese is so white hot right now the market is nearly saturated, so not very many mongering positions are available. Don’t worry if you don’t yet know how to pronounce roquefort, this book will guide you along.