Sinking: Swimming

Put your shirt back on. No, seriously, put your shirt back on. Swimming is OVER. Look, I know it’s the middle of the summer but let’s face it … It’s impossible to look cool when you’re swimming. What kind of a loser slaps his stupid appendages against water to remain buoyant?

Wait!! Maybe it’s now. You need to accessorize if there’s any chance of resurrecting this tired to-do. If you must swim, get yourself some water wings, or at the very least a paddle board. To be ironic you can paint a murral of David hasslehoff doing some bay watch beach-running. Sweet idea! As we recommened only six days ago, 1920’s era swimwear is a must. Avoid ken and barbie-esque flippers and