It’s a cold, hard first-world out there hipster. Expectations from work, smart phone upgrades, social media deadlines … it can make one feel strung out and beat up … good thing there’s cuddling. Long thought the domain of babies, this new trend is safe, fuzzy and warm. It’s been years (at least 15) since you felt the comforting embrace of affection and reassurance that only 37 minutes on the couch with mom or pops can bring. There, there hipster … want that feeling again? Well you are in luck. Like a warm bowl of farina, cuddling can soothe your edgy mind.
Forgot how to cuddle you say? Don’t worry NHT is here, once again, to show you the way. It’s all about position and partner. One cannot properly cuddle standing straight as a nail or all akimbo, you must be curved and receptive. Some popular positions include:
Utensiling – Spooning is just the start. Nothing says reassurance like two butter knives stacked in a kitchen drawer. Even forks can nest well if they’re all in agreement.
Dog Bowing – This is actually an anticipatory maneuver where you do one of those dog stretches, ideally on the floor, It allows you to gauge the receptiveness of the intended cuddle target. If they are receptive, you’ll be able determine the best posture to use next.
The Coach – This is commonly used between straight male friends who still need to have a cuddle. It starts with some congenial rough housing and joking insults and ends with an arm around the shoulders, possibly a swat on the butt.
It’s absolutely crucial to find a good partner, you cannot do this alone! This “Cuddle Buddy” has to be one of two things. Either they are a cuddle top or they are a cuddle bottom … wait, that’s too kinky … let’s call them Cuddle Alpha and and Cuddle Beta … it’s all about who is in more need of comforting. Engaging in a mutual co-cuddle where both participants are equally needy is a rare and fragile thing, like a wondrous crystal flower. This could just as easily become an explosion of depressing narcissism as it could become a wellspring of warm fuzzy.
So, the next time you’re feeling inadequate because your supervisor didn’t give you enough praise for that branding prezi, slink over to her door later on in the day. Contritely pop your head around the door jam and ask … “Can we cuddle?” Trust your inner nuzzly bunny, it will guide the way.