Category Archive : Hipster Trends

TRENDFLASH: Monocules are OVER!

Thanks to one of our readers “Enoch” (whoa, awesome name), it has been confirmed that monocles are OVER! The effing New York Times has an article about them so get yours off your face stat before that one barista you have a crush on sees you. Just think of Werner Klemperer from Hogan’s Heros and you’ll get the picture. Possible replacements include but are in no way limited to: eyepatch, Ben Franklin glasses, quadfocals, dual eyepatch, binoculars, shutter shades, blue blockers, that thing that LeVar Burton has on his eyes on Star Trek, jeweler’s loupe, actual eye removal.

What ever you do, DO NOT wear sun glasses that might fit on the top or over other glasses. People who make these type of glasses for blocking sun, which are large enough to be worn covering other glasses are a touchy bunch of trademark trolling mofos who will sue your ass for even mentioning them or their trademarked products. We have the cease and desist to prove it. Again, do NOT purchase eye coverings which block sun and are large enough to fit or allow you to wear other glasses at the same time.



NOW: Obscure Holidays

Alright, everyone’s heard of the biggies: Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Independence Day (if you’re not Christian or American it’s not my problem) … but what about the little-ies: Beautician’s Day, Chocolate Pudding Day, and Canoe Day? What if I told you that all three were TODAY?! Well they are and that means you’re already behind. That is unless like me, you’re presently canoeing whilst liberally applying a chocolate pudding-based facial mask to your friend Theo in homage to the beautician profession (textbook multi-trending).

As you should know by now, the bottom line is that a lot of what we hipsters do is for one reason alone … we want people to notice us and ask us questions so we can tell them all about how whatever it is we are doing is important or interesting. Now with any luck they will never have heard of it before, and if they have that’s cool to, because odds are the WAY we are doing it is different than your average normal or even low-level hipster. Case in point: obscure holidays. This whole area is crazy-ripe for hipster picking. From a couple of minutes of random perusal of I can confirm that it’s a veritable treasure trove for the hip. I mean, Tuesday was “Fairy Day.” Why the hell didn’t I think of this sooner. I could have showed up to the marketing meeting wearing green tights, pink hair, and coiled toed fairy slippers. Imagine the dumbfounded reactions of my co-workers? “Whaa, what the hell are you wearing Kory?” “Oh this? It’s Fairy Day. Are you just wearing normal business casual to be ironic?” Their jaws would be on the floor. So we missed that one but it’s okay.

Looking ahead there’s some excellent advantages to wow them in the month of July alone, including but not limited to: Cow Appreciation Day, Teddy Bear Picnic Day, Don’t Step on a Bee Day, Embrace Your Geekiness Day, Pandemonium Day, Tapioca Pudding Day, Yellow Pig Day, Uncommon Instrument Awareness Day, Lumberjack Day, Thread The Needle Day, Talk In An Elevator Day. Dang, we’re already doing most of this stuff, we just need to do it with more gusto on the assigned days!