Rising HAWT: Trump, The Real Steampunk

Trump aint cosplaying around!

With his triumphant rejection of a unified global response to climate change (#fakescience) and his affirmation of the need for a return to coal, President Donald J. Trump outs himself as the REAL steampunk. From Babbage’s brass gear computing to coal fired forestry robots the days of steampunk as a mere hobby for overpaid millennial IT workers are OVER,  the coal fires are here, they’re HAWT and they’re MAINSTEAM.

HOW2HAWT:

Alright, we aren’t suggesting that you begin construction on a gigantic steam-powered tarantula ala the seminal steampunk opus “Wild, Wild, West.”  What we are suggesting is that you demonstrate acceptance and tolerance for the ways of our new leader in quizzingly and impressional ways.  Rig a tiny furnace to your desk fan and lazily toss a lump of the classic combustible strata in.  Stoke the fire with a miniature bellows while looking over your shoulder at the morning meeting with the Bob’s. When the office Greenparty Action lunch clutch starts up, stand all “il duche” over them and sharpen a few #2’s with your steam powered pencil sharpener. A subtle cough to simultaneously simulate black lung AND communicate your disapproval of the Paris accord will add the proper emphasis.  If you really want to wow them (you do), tote around a dead canary in a cage (#deadcanary).  That will make them think.

Only Lefting: Put your Prius where your Politics are!

Send a message, never turn right!

Hey SJW, your mouse is bloodied from fighting the good fight replying ad nauseam to your paleolibertarian friend’s posts on the facebooks, Your solar powered fridge is full of nongmo kale pudding and microbio happy eggs and you’ve tried to give Ann Coulter a hug … but you still want more! You want to push the boundaries of your #resist -ance beyond the breaking point! We’re here to help! After reading about the fasco-corporatists of UPS only turning right, it’s has become obvious that the #HWTNXT protest move is to ONLY TURN LEFT! 

HOW2HAWT: Yes, that’s right, Only make left turns at every intersection. After extensive actual experience, the #HWTNXT science team has determined that 3 left turns will achieve the same result as 1 right turn, well worth the extra gas and lopsided wear on your econo-car’s suspension and tires. Imagine the message this will send to the authoritarian police state (traffic department) when hordes of tiny fuel efficient cars, bikes and yes even pedestrians hold fast and only make left turns. Fight the power and fill their CCTV’s with an extend blur of lefties turning left!

Think about it this way, two wrongs DON’T make a right, but 3 lefts do!