HawtNext is taking our sardonic lens of social commentary and turning it into fun for the whole family! We’re not really game designers but we think we have something here.


The hilarious game of possibly imagined afflictions, web-fueled self-diagnosis, and a potentially anxiety-riddled pointless death! 

It’s 3 am … again, and you’ve been up for hours because they’re back, the red blotches covering your neck. Do they itch? Are they raised? Is it worse than it was at work? Your earlobes throb as they expand. Are they expanding? Are they shrinking? They are, you’re sure they are! How much can one person sweat? Should you get up, drive to urgent care? Wake your partner? What’s going on? Are you Dying!?! You might be dying. You glance at the night stand … the answer might be right there, just one quick finger swipe and some desperate thumb stabs on a screen keyboard … aaaaah the sweet relief of getting the answers you seek.

Each player is a phobia-riddled cyberchondriac who must do frenzied searches of the internet seeking cure cards to rid themselves of the symptom cards, some of which are  foisted on them by the other players. To win, the first player to keep themselves symptom-free for an entire round gets to finally fall into phobia-free sleep. But, if they don’t stay on top of their multiple twitches, itches, boils and queasinesses, they soon lapse into a self-perpetuating cycle of imagined symptoms … leading to a web-fueled blizzard of insanity, and ultimately leading to stress-induced mania, and a possibly pointless death!

Number of PlayersAgePlaying TimeGame Type
2-512+30-60 minCard


The game of cool posturing and poser fighting between iconic American mall denizens for eventual dominance of the coolest table of the food court. Using flair, insults and stylized video game moves with ridiculous facsimile weapons purchased from the pop-up fantasy blades kiosk outside The Goth Shop, players do battle for cool points.

The Story

Located between inner ring suburbs of Mega City, Spring Hill Mall is populated by a diverse and iconic cast of characters. Each day is a new battle between factions for cool and the best seats in the food court. Ever since the kiosks opened, specifically “FireForge Tactical Cutlery Shack”, things have gotten more dangerous. Just before lunch, the posturing and cat calls can flame into all out throwdowns. The one who emerges with more cool gets the prime seating for themselves and their friends.

The Characters

Each of the characters at Spring Hill Mall falls into one of several cliques, or readily identifiable demographics. Skewered with humorous reverence based on internet tropes, each character type has its own strengths, weaknesses and special abilities. The game players assume the role of one of these character types.

Number of PlayersAgePlaying TimeGame Type
2-512+30-60 minBoard