Hot: Scything your lawn

hipsterscytheAccording to treehugger.com, gas-powered lawn mowers put out as much smog as 40 cars. I don’t know if that’s true or not but I will tell you that it doesn’t matter if it’s true or not and that it’s a great thing for you to say to people when they ask you what the hell you’re doing in your yard. What are you doing? You’re scything of course! For a long time hipsters have been using old fashioned reel mowers because they feel all old-timey and remind people of the days of Dennis the Menace. But everyone has heard of reel mowers being used again, and there’s even advanced hipsters who bike mow. Reel mowers are OVER!

So if you insist on having a yard rather than an organic edible permaculture landscape, there’s only one way to cut the grass… a scythe! Be sure to select a handmade scythe, preferably by a local artisan. Remember that when working with a scythe there is about a 40% chance of accidental decapitation. That’s the cost of being hip… totally worth it! Try to pick times of the day where people are most likely to see you working, and will ask you what you’re doing. Then you can talk for 20 to 30 minutes about “how fragile our planet really is,” and how you’re “leading by example.” Also, be sure to pick up a few books on hand tools and try to get people to ask you what you’re reading. I suggest Hand Tools: Their Ways and Workings

 

UDPATE 12-08-16 : This IS a thing