Poised: Cowboy Baths

troughWhat’s that? You’re still taking showers? Still immersing yourself in that Victorian clawfoot surrounded by homemade beeswax candles? Hipster, please. If you want to experience some old-school authentic hygiene, it all starts with a horse trough.

Drag one of these bad boys up onto the rooftop. Fill it with equal parts cold water and boiling water. Strip down, climb in, light up a Swisher Sweet and just soak. Feel that? That is prairie luxury, my friend.

Do you want a swig of Black Velvet to help you relax? You don’t mind if you do. Need to rinse off? Have Edie grab that bucket over by the DJ station. No, not the one we use as an ashtray — the other one. There you go.

Now gaze off at the horizon. Take it all in. You are the Shane of this afterbar. It’s almost time to ride.