Rising: Half Pants
It’s Summer and shedding the layers helps, especially when climate change is wreaking havoc with the thermometer, making it dance like an egg on a Death Valley roadside. (
How’s a hipster to get cool without “being cool?”
Why, just slice off one of your pants legs of course.
Like the weather, half pants are NIF-Hot right now. This is an IMPORTANT TREND and there can be no cutting corners. Just unzipping below the knee of those fuddy-duddy Columbia trekking pants is a cop out… And those gothic “one legged pants” are nothing but narcissistic boy-skirts asking for a spanking … don’t even think about it. There is only one way to own this hipster gold and that’s by taking a pinking shears and slicing off one leg of a pair of pleated dockers at just below the pocket lining. Just feel the freedom! Stride with confidence into your next HR review, put the foot from the bare leg up on the chair, cup your chin in your hands and say “Let’s DO this thing!” Make sure your socks are baggy and loose at the ankle to complete the effect.
The half-pant is not only cooling and comfortable, it also says you’re a flexible, complex and cultured person. All admirable hipster qualities. At the same time casual and “businessy”, it’s the perfect ultra-committal non-committed assertion. When, and if, people dare to ask, you can reply auf Deutsch.
then take out a briar pipe, bang against your exposed inner thigh, and light up knowing you won this round.