For your whole life, you have been programmed to “find a good parking spot.” There’s one right there! That guy is leaving! You can fit in there! Counterfeit a handicap plate! You spend extra time (and gas) trolling through endless “open spot deserts” slowly crawling behind other shoppers, following them creepily in the hopes of their departure. You attempt to balance the contradictory feelings of the guilt of not exercising and the determination that you deserve to be at the front of the line. Well don’t fret, you can have it all! Strap on your exercise tracker and get ready for the brave new world of FAR-PARKING! Imagine the peeling clamor of joy that will erupt from your passengers the next time you effortlessly glide past perfectly good “rock star” spots right in front of the door to the mega mart du jour and claim the perfect spot, as far away in the parking lot as possible. There is sooo much meta-irony here that you are probably going to explode in a hipster conflagration. Relish in the knowledge that you are, in one simple act, skewering both the petrochemical industrial complex AND the health-ista anti-carbonists. This is gold.
Hey SJW, your mouse is bloodied from fighting the good fight replying ad nauseam to your paleolibertarian friend’s posts on the facebooks, Your solar powered fridge is full of nongmo kale pudding and microbio happy eggs and you’ve tried to give Ann Coulter a hug … but you still want more! You want to push the boundaries of your #resist -ance beyond the breaking point! We’re here to help! After reading about the fasco-corporatists of UPS only turning right, it’s has become obvious that the #HWTNXT protest move is to ONLY TURN LEFT!
HOW2HAWT: Yes, that’s right, Only make left turns at every intersection. After extensive actual experience, the #HWTNXT science team has determined that 3 left turns will achieve the same result as 1 right turn, well worth the extra gas and lopsided wear on your econo-car’s suspension and tires. Imagine the message this will send to the authoritarian police state (traffic department) when hordes of tiny fuel efficient cars, bikes and yes even pedestrians hold fast and only make left turns. Fight the power and fill their CCTV’s with an extend blur of lefties turning left!
Think about it this way, two wrongs DON’T make a right, but 3 lefts do!