Bubbling Up: Lawrence Welk

welk
Higgs-Boson-Hot

As enamored as hipsters are with the neo-folk-pop-bluegrass wave, it’s soooo popular that, by definition, it’s got to be OVER! So, whats a self respecting hipster to do next if they shouldn’t be knee slapping anymore to TBT or are letdown when a “popular” band does something unexpected? The next hipster shiny musical object must continue that quintessential harkening back to a simpler, more earnest zeitgeist. In these VUCA filled times, nothing says banal and epic obscurity like the Lawrence Welk Show. It’s got everything. From not so subtly ironic numbers like “One Toke Over The Line” and the odd ass “Hippie” thing to more deep-hipster must haves like electronica and serious country music.

Imagine the effect when you burst into the next Co-Op board meeting wearing a polyester suit the color of fresh ketchup humming “Music to Watch Girls By.” The raised eyebrows (provided they haven’t been shaved off) will soon turn to nods of shamed agreement when you wax on about the work of color television pioneer Rose Weiss.

Of course this next musical exploration will also give you a chance to let everyone know how important it is to support public television by organizing weekly Welk viewing parties at your favorite sports bar. Everyone should dress like their favorite Lawrence Welk Family member and show up Saturday evening at “Schmitty’s” or “Schultz’s” right at 5pm (preferably when the big game is suuuper close) and use one of these spiffy DIY hipster-tech devices to swap the channel on all the huge TVs to LW on the local public television station. Stand up and yell “WELK SESH” and start dancing like Sissy and Bobbie doing a disco number. You’ll make a bunch of new friends.

Trending Down: Banjos

Banjo Hipster Girl
Tats, Aviators, fanny pack and Banjo – OMG This is a hipster dream queen. Too bad it’s OVER!

Once the domain of the denizens of HeeHaw, Porch Savants and Pete Seeger, banjos have been been the darlings of the hipster music scene. Nothing screams “I’m a simple, modest and earnest person” like a banjo. The once height of esoteric Appalachian folk music, now is pure top-40 de rigueur and true hipsters should do the quickest Walton Mountain two-step possible as they run away. Exception is of course, Steve Martin. Anything this guy does is GOLD. He alone is probably keeping this trend actually hip in perpetuity.

Possible replacements include the samisen, Ondes Martenot and Sacbut.

Frankly, I’ve been worried for bearded hipster banjo players for sometime. The potential for getting so into an emotive rendition of Foggy Mountain Breakdown and then accidentally having ones prized lumberjack-esque facial hair becoming tangled in the blurred steel of flailing banjo strings …the horror .. the horror.  Now we cant claim OVER! on banjos yet, but as evidenced by the real science of the trend-o-tron, banjos are on a steady and slow decline.